I am never certain whether I feel like an introvert or an extrovert. I suppose I could get both answers depending on who I ask.  I know that when I am with my tribe, I am loud and expressive and use my hands when I talk. When I am in a crowd where I know I am safe and loved, I light up and put the “extra” in extrovert. Other times, a crowd can feel like invisibility. Sometimes I want to be invisible. Usually, I don’t. Mostly, I just long to be seen. I reckon we all know that longing. 

A songwriter that I deeply admire (as does almost everyone who aspires to write songs) once asked me a question. We were doing some one-on-one mentoring at a songwriting retreat in Texas. He asked me, “Why are you here? What do you want?” I told him I wanted to write better songs. His gaze narrowed, and I knew he was not satisfied with my answer. “What do you really want?" I had been seen, and it was unsettling… for just a moment. And then it made me bold. I exhaled and spoke an answer that was both raw and true… an answer that left me exposed and vulnerable.

“I want to be at the table with you. I want to belong in the room with you guys.”
I did not want to be invisible. It may seem like I was asking for his approval... like another attempt to get the “cool kids” to bestow coolness upon me. It was not until he answered that I understood it was none of those things.
“You’re already at the table… already in the room. And here’s the thing… we are ambivalent about it.”  Ambivalent?
Ambivalence is often read as “not caring one way or the other.” It can also speak of things that are so normal, so natural, that they rarely require comment. When we are in rooms and at tables where we belong, others feel little need to tell us. They figure we know.  If we get an invitation to the dance, we need only walk in and start dancing. No further permission is needed.

So… if you have not yet found your tribe, keep looking. They are out there. If someone asks you what you “really want”, assume they mean to give it to you if they are able. And, if you get an invitation to the dance, show up. Dance. Dance a lot. Break a sweat. Just remember that if you get drunk and behave like an asshole, your invitation won’t keep the bouncers from throwing you out.